8
« on: October 29, 2016, 04:16:23 pm »
Yeah, it sucks since he made a pretty good story and he was definitely one of the best all around members on the site.
He probably would have laughed at this recent comment about his story:
It started off great; a few typing errors here and there, a bit of confusion over who spoke, but a very interesting premise with rich and delightful characters. The setting felt real and was well-written, with some excellent imagery, and there was a constant feeling of threat and conflict, which kept me on my toes, however . . .
. . . Cecelia was the start of the downfall; she was not developed *at all*, but came across as a love-at-first-sight Mary Sue (even odder when it alienates some people, as well as seemingly goes against the character, and breaks the genre of the story somewhat). I found Kelso to be a potential love-interest, much better than she was, and that it was even hinted at (the fact the hero's gender WAS ambiguous made this easier to believe, too, as he could be gay or straight as one wished to interpret, depending on what gender one assigned him).
Cecelia also marked the point I twigged who the Professor was, which ruined the upcoming element of 'surprise' and big 'twist' . . . I found myself skipping the text of the battle, no longer interested, and forced to endure more of this relationship with Cecelia (seriously, they'd known each other ONE WEEK, why would I - or they - care about their 'romance' when I have a huge battle raging on and deeper philosophical debate to consider)? I managed to guess all options from that point on to get to a good ending, simply as the narrative went from 'original' to 'predictable'.
Yes, it turned out the Professor was EXACTLY whom I thought he was . . . I would have been happy with that, had it been a chance to deeply explore one's loyalties, sense of identity, and the grey side to 'right/wrong' . . . instead it became a black-and-white choice with little explanation as to anything, making everything beforehand seem pointless.
So much potential as a story . . .
Wasted . . .
If this was rewritten WITHOUT Cecilia (or she was given - you know - a personality or some likeable traits), I would give it a much higher rating, but . . . frankly . . . Cecelia pissed me off so much - with her Mary Sue, Love-At-First-Sight, 'Soul Mate' crap - I felt that I was being sucked into a "Twilight" fanfiction by a teenager at that point and wanted to bang my head on a wall.
Probably won't replay.
-- RobinMask on 6/11/2016 11:39:08 AM with a score of 2
