Background
"Now, whom did you say was the subject of your paper?"
"No, I don't remember- oh, you mean James! Yes, that's right. James Archer."
"Oh, he was a little scamp. Do you know, for weeks he told everyone that he had a twin brother named Jason, and it was just a coincidence no one ever saw them together?"
-- Agnes Partridge, Nurse, Pennyroyal Foster Home
"He's not in prison?"
-- George Sanders, Vice-Principal, Clarkson Juvenile Reformatory
"In my professional opinion, Timothy Marcus has deep-seated near-psychotic self-image issues."
"It's amazing he was able to keep up the deception for so long. In retrospect, we really should have been more skeptical of a seventeen-year old with a degree in psychotherapy."
-- Dr. Abel Jansek, Ex-Director, Oak Brook Rehabilitation Center
"Who? Oh, the little weirdo. No, he wasn't a musician. I booked him as a magic act. Called himself 'Alastair valentine.' I only hired him cause he said he'd take casino chips instead of real money."
-- Martin de Beers, Entertainment Director, Rainbow Gold Casino
"What? I don't know who you bought that info from, but I can assure you, we did not hire a fengshui master to jinx our players! Every slot machine in the building paying out the jackpot at once was a technical error for which we cannot be held fiscally responsible. Next question."
-- Griff Hannaford, Security Chief, Silver Saint Casino
"Ugh. I had to share a stage with him at the Crystal Palace. Can't believe people think that noise is music."
-- Miranda Ravenholme, Lead Singer, The Darkening
"Isn't he the greatest? I remember one time he said to me, "Lila, the secret to--" and I said "Lisa. My name is Lisa." I, forget what he said after that."
-- Lisa Lila Dunham, Groupie
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"NO."
"I don't care if 'his lyrics illuminate the maelstrom hidden in the heart of the ordinary.' The assignment was to research a contemporary philosopher, not your favorite rock musician. Simon Mayhem is not an appropriate topic."
-- Mrs. Beatrice, 9th Grade Social Studies Teacher
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Simon's thoughts on the crew:
Y'know, 'the Dandy Desperadoes' would be a great name for a band. . .
Cap'n Inigo Montoya:
As if that's his real name! Come on, have you ever heard a more obvious pseudonym?
The man does know how to set a stage though.
Crystal:
Who? Oh, tank girl. Yeah.
Don't think she's ever talked to me. Always whispering to that dog, though. Creepy.
Ethel:
Who? Is that the one with the- no? Oh, that one, yeah.
Heh. Science chicks. They never wanna believe magic is real. Not till their forbidden research goes horribly wrong, and they're running around with their hair on fire, screaming at you to save them with your magic, and you're all like 'whatd'ya think I am, a psychic?' Hahaha. . . Good times. . . What are we talking about?
Butch:
Which one is. . ? The old guy, with all the freaky metal bits?
I guess he's okay, for a boring old guy. Cute kid, though. I didn't think robots had kids. I always thought they didn't have the you know. . . (pelvic thrusting motion)
Jacob:
Come on, I'd remember if there was a trained sniper on board!
Ezekiel:
Now you're just making people up!
Gilbert:
He's. . . pretty Farking awesome, isn't he?
If you ever repeat that, I'll sue you for libel! Hahaha. I'm not kidding.
Natalia:
Never heard of her! No idea who you're talking about!