I’VE RETURNED BY POPULAR (Berka’s) DEMAND TO BRING JOY AND GOODNESS! Seeing how fun it was to have complete badasses for Sethaniel-style Mafia characters, like Colonel Bruce Barley and Marko, I figured a Martial-Arts-Themed game where EVERYONE’S a badass would be fun, and TOTALLY NOT RUIN THAT AT ALL. Well, not really. I just sort of had this vague idea for translating ideas and principles* from different martial arts into Mafia abilities for a long time.
*Or at least just the Hollywood versions.
In the futuristic year of 15xx, in the magical world of Jianghu, trouble abounds! Monks and racketeers alike roam the streets, particularly the ones around bars, restaurants, and taverns, all beating the shit out of each other! And a lot of those racketeers don’t even play tennis! In a Wuxia World, crime, corruption, and vigilantism run rampant, but one man stood above it all, leading the forces of law, order, and peaceful Kung Fu practice… Before he fell down.
Sifu Dragonsword, master of medicine, Kung Fu, and all of thisandthat, had invited his legendary graduated students to The Raolin Monastery for his two-hundredth birthday, only to be murdered shortly after the guests arrived. Even worse? His legendary blade was STOLEN! This could only be the work of the Shuangdong Mafia! They wanted him dead for years, but none of the assassins sent before had done their job. With the students being the only people there with him, it’s perhaps possible that paying off his less loyal, or perhaps disillusioned students was the only way to get the job done… Using a sacred, albeit dark ritual to reveal Truth in Death, Sifu’s students have banded together under the agreement that no one leaves The Monastery until Sifu’s death is avenged! Though, with killers as tricky and secretive as these, it may be difficult for the innocent to escape this situation unscathed…
Choose your Character!
Stiff Johnny:
A mysterious, stiff-jointed, hypochondriac from a noble family nobody’s heard of, Stiff Johnny has always been an eccentric figure… But never seemed to be the ‘organized crime’ type. Until, perhaps, now. Seeking Dragonsword’s advice for physical and spiritual health, his time at The Monastery gained him some skills in the martial arts as well. Perhaps it wasn’t so much technique as it was his bizarre level of strength, but he too became a well known student of Sifu Dragonsword for his ability to kick ass. Though, despite his insistence that he’s very much NOT a vampire, it’s quite hard for him to dispel all the dark rumors. Some of which may be rooted in reality.
Master Bamboo Stick:
Master Bamboo Stick was always considered a rebel and a hellraiser in his younger years, but after graduating to Master, he’s become more of a helpful drifter… Though occasionally his methods of displacing violent gangs haven’t been the most legal, and his befuddled methods and mannerisms haven’t always been very effective sources of help… But surely this isn’t out of malice or criminal affiliation? Right?
Master Dao:
Dragonsword’s youngest and most mischievous student, Master Dao has quite a reputation for being both an elaborate prankster and a kicker of ass. He’s always lived on the edge, both of the law, and of Dragonsword’s nerves, but he’s a very respected martial artist and member of society. In another, more suspicious light, perhaps he wasn’t the innocent trickster everyone thought he was…
Master Sun:
Entirely discounting the rumors that Stiff Johnny might be an immortal vampire who’s taken many aliasses over the years, Master Sun is one of Sifu Dragonsword’s earliest surviving students. And, whether the rumors are true or not, certainly the one who was closest friends with him. Master Sun has lived and practiced with Dragonsword for multiple decades, and often went off adventuring with him more than without. He was, perhaps, the closest thing Dragonsword considered to an equal in skill and experience, and perhaps might have been the only one capable of killing him hand-to-hand… Surely the two never shied away from an argument, or even a feud, but would Master Sun turn to the Mafia over one of their differences?
Master Bertram:
There’s at least a million different kinds of boxing. Northern boxing, southern boxing, western boxing, kickboxing, chess boxing, drunken boxing, cannon boxing. Master Bertram was trained in all of them. Though he was Sifu’s most recent… And perhaps most unusual students. Hailing from a mysterious, faraway place, Master Bertram came directly to Sifu Dragonsword in hopes of learning his techniques. And, well, how could you question an absurd creature like that? Master Bertram picked up on his teacher’s lessons quickly. Perhaps too quickly. Was this mysterious stranger the one the Mafia sent to kill Dragonsword?
Freddy Wong:
Wong was a simple travelling doctor before he met Sifu Dragonsword. It used to be quite a busy job as a Doctor, what with all these thugs around hurting people. Almost more than Freddy could handle, but when Dragonsword came by and shut down the local toughs and their organizations, Freddy found himself with a MUCH more manageable workload. It was then Freddy decided to follow Sifu and take up a career in… Preventative medicine. There wasn’t much money in forcefully gangsters from injuring people, but Freddy Wong believed in his cause… Though, perhaps a lack of medical business with the rise of Dragonsword and his vigilante students caused a change of heart.
Fearsome Commander Noodle:
Fearsome Commander Noodle was a simple Navy Chef, but now he is a war hero who regularly drives pirates away from Jianghu’s shores. But once, he was the laughingstock of the Jianghu Empire’s defense force. Or so it seemed. His lack of kung fu training made him an easy target for the abuse of others. It was years of unjust servitude in awful conditions. One day, while dodging the blows of an angry “customer” with all-too-practiced skill, he caught the eye of Sifu Dragonsword. What followed after his training was quite the story. After taking charge in a particular battle and slaying 22 pirates with his own bare hands, there was no more servitude and kitchenwork for him. The general promoted Noodle to Battlecommander right then and there!... But perhaps ambition and violent efficacy aren't exactly a law-abiding combination...
Master Tiger:
In Sifu’s century-and-a-half career, Master Tiger has been known as the most fierce and passionate of Dragonsword’s Students. As soon as he graduated from Sifu’s training and went off on his own, the first thing he did was go out on his own to defend the innocent, and teach the innocent how to defend themselves. There are many songs in many villages praising his name for driving the bandits away and building fortifications to protect them from future invasions. Master Tiger has long been known as a passionate protector of the people, but never to the extent that an alleged demigod like Dragonsword was. Did he tire of Sifu’s shadow?
Happy Traveller:
Happy Traveller had always been a man out of place and time. Always seeming to know more than he should, always keen to walk the earth imparting irreverent but wise advice. It was only natural that kind of monk would be attacked ALL THE TIME, and it was certainly a wonder Happy Traveller managed to live long enough to arrive on Sifu Dragonsword’s doorstep. Luckily, when he did, Dragonsword kindly took the man in, tended to his wounds, and taught him how to defend himself from those who would have him beat up. Nobody expected him to be so good at it, but somehow he managed to achieve legendary status in the field of fightsmanship. Is there something less innocent to his sly demeanor and mysterious ways?
“BUT ARTHEYBOY!” I hear you cry, “Bill Murray is the only monk character, and he’s not even from Sifu’s monastery! Is Sifu Dragonsword even a monk? You do know there are people other than Shaolin Monks who had their own Kung Fu styles, right? There were just regular people with regular gyms who taught each other Kung Fu!”
And to that, I say, “Quiet, you! It’s better with alliteration!”
